We’re all guilty of this at some point in our lives. Sometimes it’s actually quite healthy to listen to other people’s opinions, but what about unsolicited negative opinions? What does that do for your self-esteem, self worth and your view of the world around you?
I spent years believing that I was worthless, fat, ugly, a rubbish parent and would never amount to anything. I couldn’t be trusted, I was a failure and simply not good enough.
Why? Because I allowed myself to be manipulated by other people’s opinions. So much so, their negative opinions actually became my own personal beliefs.
Are your beliefs actually your own or are they based on other people’s opinions?
As kids we’re super impressionable. We listen to the words of those around us and absorb every tiny piece of information. Our parents, teachers and friends all factor into this. And the consequences of their words and actions can be massive!
Imagine going through life believing you’re not good enough and a failure. How would that influence your life?
For me, it held me back massively. It stopped me from embracing opportunities, pursuing my dream, going to college and applying for jobs that would have been amazing.
It meant stupid amounts of time beating myself up for not being a good daughter, feeling like I wasn’t a good enough mum to the point I actually thought my kids were better off without me.
Years of having an unhealthy relationship with food, exercising excessively and trying to change the way I looked. I had a seriously negative image of my body.
To put it bluntly, I hated myself.
And all because I allowed people’s negative opinions to shape my own beliefs and my life as a whole.
Now imagine if you grew up around positive influences. How would your life be then? How would you feel now?
I may not have been surrounded by positive people growing up, but I am now and it has changed my life beyond recognition.
So how did I change my perception of myself?
OPINIONS ARE NOT FACTS
This realisation was the biggest game changer for me. All this time I had been giving their opinions power by believing them to be true, when the real truth is, opinions are not facts!
Once I had allowed this to sink in things really started to shift for me. Whenever a negative thought came into my head that was based on somebody elses opinion, I’d tell myself that opinions are not facts.
ERADICATE THE NEGATIVE CHATTER
This is something that had plagued me for as long as I can remember. Some days it was so bad that I could barely function properly, it was like I was on autopilot. I’d do the barest minimum to get through the day, the rest of the time was consumed by the negative vampires sucking me dry. It was exhausting!
A good friend of mine suggested a book, Quiet by Fearne Cotton, and things started to make sense. At that moment I realised I was not on my own. Somebody out there had been in the exact same place I was and they had come out the other side.
I started to take note of the negative BS I was telling myself and challenged each and every one of them. I wrote down their positive opposites and used these as positive affirmations, which I repeated at various times throughout the day.
ELIMINATE NEGATIVE PEOPLE FROM YOUR LIFE
Okay, so I realise that this is often far easier said than done BUT it really does make a massive difference to your mindset.
I have literally cut out my entire family outside my own four walls and it feels amazing!
If you don’t feel you can remove them from your life completely then do what you can to reduce the amount of contact you have with them.
- YOU have the power to choose your thoughts. Choose them wisely.
- Only YOU can change your thought patterns
- Be committed to YOUR journey. It wont happen overnight but it is so worth it
- Opinions are not facts